Emotional Abuse All Parents should be Aware of

For parents, assertiveness is a way to discipline their children. To some extent, assertiveness is needed to educate and control the children’s behaviors. Yet, the problem occurs when parent’s assertiveness becomes somehow excessive.  Instead of controlling the children’s behaviors, the assertive actions can cause harmful impacts for the children. We may not aware when our firm actions hurt our children. We think that because we don’t do anything harmful physically to educate our children, we are already on the right track. Make no mistake, parent, although the children don’t get hurt physically, they are maybe hurt emotionally because of our excessive firm actions. We may unwittingly perform so-called emotional abuse to our children which according to some experts can be even more serious than any other kinds of child abuse (physical, sexual, and so on).

So, what actions are included as emotional abuse to a child? Beforehand, we need to understand the term of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is basically parent’s actions which consistently reject the child or the child’s behaviors. As a result, the child feels unwanted and unloved. So, when we say something bad continually to our child leading the child to his low self-esteem where he feels unworthy of love, affection, friendship, and respect, then, we’ve already done the emotional abuse. Unrealistic expectation to a child’s behaviors is also considered as emotional abuse. The commonest emotional abuse intentionally or accidently undertaken by parents is repeating name calling (moron, stupid, no good, ugly, rotten, crazy, etc). Likewise, deliberating humiliation to a child in front of others (siblings, teachers, and friends) is another example of emotional abuse.

What should be noted for parents is that emotional abuse can be more serious than any other forms of abuse because the behavioral indicators are difficult to identify. Unlike any other forms of abuse which show visible injuries, emotional abuse generates hidden scars. They manifest inside and affect the child’s self-esteem and self-image.  In respond to the impacts, some children react in a passive way and the other react in an aggressive way. Some passive symptoms parents should be aware of are extreme shyness, difficulty in forming relationships, inability to relate and bond to other children, self denial, being exploited by other children, self-depricating remarks (such as “moron”, “stupid”, “no good”, etc), inability to enjoy pleasurable activities, and others. While children who respond emotional abuse in aggressive ways may perform behaviors such as bullying to others, intimidating, ridiculing to others, cruelty to other children and animals, reluctant going home, and so on.

The severe impact of emotional abuse not only affects the adolescent period but also the adulthood period.  It can cause devastating consequences to a child’s life forever. So, parents, be wise in performing assertiveness to discipline our children. Please be aware of our words when correcting children’s behaviors. Otherwise, we might have done regrettable things that already damage our children.

(from various sources)